So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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