I feel like abortions should bother me more
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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