My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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