When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
