Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
