I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
