Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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