we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
