in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
