There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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