The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
