i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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