Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
