brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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