yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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