Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its liver damage thursday
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
