Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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