i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize