literally had 100 drinks last night.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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