I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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