I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
