Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
