Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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