Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
