Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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