Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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