No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
