i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
