I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
