Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
