oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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