A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
