I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
