from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
