mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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