so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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