so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
