someone owes me an orgasm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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