"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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