I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
