I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
