I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
