i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
