Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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