No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
