If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
