Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
