My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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