Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
