Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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