Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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