the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
