I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
