trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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