i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
