Screwed.edu
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
