How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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