So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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