i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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