We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
