mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
