porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
