K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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