So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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