I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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