Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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