I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
