If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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