you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
