when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As shirtless as possible
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
